This Ain't Therapy Or Fun It's Just Conversation
by seeareuh
Summary: Sara Sidle was not used to being chased. When she was in high school, she was the one chasing after all of the boys who never returned an ounce of her affection. Until Greg." A lot better than it sounds, I promise.
1. Chapter 1

Sara Sidle was not used to being chased. When she was in high school, she was the one chasing after all of the boys who never returned an ounce of her affection. Until Greg. Now a thirty five year old woman, she was being wanted by the young man working in DNA. His nonstop flirting with her was very flattering, so she finally accepted his dinner invitation. Their first date was standard-- dinner at a time they both had off and he had sex with her that night. She didn't mean to fall for him, but with each touch, she fell a little more. When he became a CSI, things got better. Stolen kisses whenever Grissom would look down at a case file and being able to be together constantly because everyone thought they were only best friends and not lovers. Then there was Grissom. He was still catching Sara's eye and smiling, but she would just kiss Greg instead. Payback is a bitch. She had to defend herself to Greg a lot, convincing him that the relationship wasn't about the man fifteen years her senior. She hated that everyone knew her "relationship" with Grissom, because he had his chance. Chances. She couldn't chase forever and when Greg entered her life, she finally, finally, stopped.

Four years of flirting paid off for Greg. He loved her so much. At night, when she'd lie in his arms, he'd think about the future. If he'd propose. If she'd become emotionally detached someday and just quit on him. He hoped and prayed to God they'd be together forever, because he didn't know what he'd do without her. He woke to her scent and fell asleep to the beating of her heart every night. He just wished that they worked at a job where they didn't have to hide their relationship. He knew that two people of the same shift weren't allowed to date each other, but they didn't care because it felt good. It felt right. Sara brought up a theory where they could fix that dilemma. Get married and transfer. She told him about a lab in Washington DC that had been dying to have her when she had been dying to get away from Grissom. She could call and find out if they still wanted her plus one. He didn't know. He didn't want to marry her for a job. He wanted to marry her because they were completely committed to each other for the rest of their lives. An occupation shouldn't determine that. At first, he said no. He had history in Las Vegas. He'd grown up there and even though his family left upon his high school graduation, his family was from there. His no eventually turned into a yes when he proposed. It was their year and a half anniversary, which was very early for his morals, but it felt right. He was prepared to mature a little and settle down with her. They were married on their two year anniversary and his parents paid for the wedding because hers couldn't. They planned a small wedding during the day consisting of the night and swing shifts, his family, and her older brother Andrew walked her down the aisle. They recited their vows, cut the cake, and partied at their apartment.

Not too long after, they put in their letters of resignation. When they cleaned out their lockers, Nick choked back tears at the pictures she took out. Nick and Sara had pictures at the Wynn every year. The first time was after a show and the second was when they went out gambling and drinking. He didn't want to let her go and he couldn't imagine how Grissom felt. He hadn't taken the marriage very well because he was still very much in love with her and for once she didn't care. She spent seven years of her life trying to get his attention and for what? Humiliation? Loneliness? He's "glad" she found her love, but she's glad she can say she's in love and not with him.

Their going away party was nice-- Catherine, Warrick, and Nick all were at Grissom's townhouse for the day and they all drank, mostly Nick. Nick wrote Greg a letter, but he wasn't allowed to read it until they took off got the east coast. Greg promised. Nick kissed Sara on the cheek and told her to write and that when the time comes, tell their kids all about Uncle Nick. They smiled, laughed, and promised. At 6pm, the couple left. Sara had to pry Nick off of her husband and he left for the car. Grissom glanced at Sara right before she left. He did a quick up and down of her with his eyes and smiled softly. Her ring glistened and he turned aside. He gave her a short hug and said Goodbye. He'll miss her. Come visit. They're always welcome. She dabbed her eyes and nodded as Greg honked the horn from the driveway, to which she turned and left. Their plane left McCarren at 1225am to land in Philadelphia at 743 with a connecting flight to the nation's capital eight hours later. They had a few hours to kill in the city, so they went to Liberty Hall and got Phili Cheese Steaks at a hotel Will Smith was staying at. Sara rode the elevator with Jada Pinkett while she was running around trying to find out which floor the pool was on. Greg joined her in the elevator after Jada Pinkett exited at the seventeenth floor and Sara laughed like a giddy little girl and told him who that was. She didn't care that she sounded stupid because Greg simply kissed her and told her how much he was in love with her. Washington DC was more beautiful than either of them imagined. They did the tourist thing for the first week. Trips to the Lincoln Memorial, the Reflection Pool, and The Vietnam Veteran's Memorial filled the day after landing. Greg copied the name of his father and left flowers at the name site. Seven days after they arrived, they began working at the new lab. The night shift didn't accept them very well because Sara and Greg were married and got the two empty jobs which they didn't have to apply for. It wasn't that they acted like a married couple, just that they were married and everyone new it.

Three months later, they received their first letter. Well, Sara received their first letter from Grissom. He started off with a few random details about his animals. One of his spiders died. He didn't know why. He went on to say he thinks about her a lot. Not a day goes by. Now that she's gone, he's... trying with Heather. She lives with him during the day and they both go to work at night. It's hard not being around her all the time. He misses her. Even though he's with Heather and she's married. They have to come back soon. They're missed by everyone. With Love. Grissom. Greg got a letter that month too. From Nick. He had just promised to write once a week to update him on cases even though he knew he shouldn't be, and inter office politics. Nick wrote that Grissom and Heather started dating. He was still a hermit, but a happy one. Sara and Greg were replaced by a twenty eight year old brunette girl who had a crush on him. Nick didn't want anything to do with her-- she was stalker-ish. And not professional. He thinks Ecklie is getting desperate. Also, an angry thirty five year old guy. He missed Greg a lot. Please write. Or call. Or visit. Hope all is well. Nick. Greg could have sworn he saw smudged ink due to moisture, but he would never be sure.

Around the same time, Sara took an EPT on a hunch. The stick turned blue and she was ecstatic. Fourteen weeks in and she was surprised neither of them had noticed. She just assumed the weight she was putting on was stress related. Her new job was rough, but it didn't matter now. She was with child. They played the name game a lot. He chose three boy names and two girl and she chose three girl and two boys. With her hormones, they narrowed it down to two of her choices-- Anabelle Louise and Matthew Bryce. Her gynecologist confirmed the sex and they named their daughter. I wasn't until she was going into labor when Greg realized their daughter's name had the initials of the Alternate Light Source they used at work. Sara yelled at him that it was an inappropriate time to be making jokes and he felt her wrath on his hand. Belle was two and half months at her first plane ride. Sara was flying out to Vegas on the twentieth of November and Greg was arriving on the twenty second. Sara was greeted at the airport by Catherine. It had only been a little over a year, but she looked older. Still great. Just older. Catherine fixed up her spare bedroom for the couple and told Sara that Lindsay was caught smoking pot in the girl's bathroom at school, so Catherine sent her to an all girl school in San Diego where she would be kept on a tight leash. Sara promised herself to never do that to Belle. They went by Catherine's house so Sara could drop her suitcase off. She was really anxious to get to the lab. To see them all. They got to the lab at 545am and morning shift would begin at six. Nick was the first one to spot her and he ran over so quickly, she barely registered it was him. He looked so much more mature than he used to. She handed Anabelle to him and went in search of Grissom.

She knew exactly where he would be. She roamed the halls she knew too well and dodged Hodges in the Trace room. She didn't want to deal with his smart ass antics right now. She just wanted to find Grissom.

He was right where she knew he would be. Sitting in his chair in his office with those stupid glasses and his stupid newspaper with the crossword puzzle and his pen. She leaned in his doorway and he saw her and smiled clumsily. She said she was back for a few days. He said he heard. Grissom stood up and walked over to her, putting his hands on her face just as he had done to Lady Heather years ago. Tears swelled in her eyes. I'm married, she pleaded. Don't do this. I can't. Too hard. He kissed her forehead and pulled her close. She knew that she shouldn't be doing this, but she felt safer than ever in his arms. She shoved him away, and mumbled Belle's name. He asked who that was and she said Anabelle Louise was her daughter. He said something that sounded like alternate light source and asked how old she was. Sara told him two and half months. She told him she was a beautiful brunette, now twenty four inches long and ten pounds with bright blue eyes. Grissom stared at her and realized Greg and Sara both had brown.


	2. Chapter 2

"Oh my God, and do you remember that one time when we caught Ecklie hitting on Sofia?!" Catherine said through laughs. Sara and Greg's going away party was filled with lots of laughs, booze, and tears. Nick, Warrick, and Greg laughed heartily. Greg's hand was on Sara's thigh and her eyes were locked on Grissom's, who clutched a drink in his right hand. Everyone would have noticed their eye connection, had they not been too preoccupied with living up the last few hours with retells of funny stories complemented by alcohol. As the three boys and Catherine continue exchanging stories, Grissom slipped silently into his bedroom and a few minutes later, Sara excused herself and followed him. She found Grissom on the balcony that connected to his room and she quickly downed her drink before meeting him outside. The cool breeze gently touched her skin as she stood over the balcony next to him.

"You've been quiet tonight," she said breaking the ice.

He looked down at his drink, at the Las Vegas skyline, and back at his drink. "I'm kind of at a loss for words, Sar."

She chuckled nervously. "What, can't seeing your beloved Greggo go?"

"Can't stand seeing my beloved go," he said making eye contact. She looked away quickly, not trusting herself with him. Alone. They stood in silence for a few minutes lost in their own thoughts. "I'm sorry," he whispered, finding his glass more interesting than Sara's face. Her eyes wouldn't leave his sad, lonely countenance. "There were so many times when I just wanted to reach out and," he extended his arm and grazed the back of his finger along her cheek, the smooth feeling of skin on skin taunting him, "touch you," he finished, whispering.

She instinctively clasped her hand over his and uttered a barely audible, "Don't." A tear slipped down her face which she tried to hide, unsuccessfully. She wanted so badly to throw his hand back at him and tell him off. She had a husband. _A husband_. She was happy. "Why now?" He kissed her softly on the forehead. Between her eyes. On her eyelashes and on the tears on her face. The corner of her mouth and then her lips. His day old shave tickled her face and she couldn't hold back. It wasn't even that he was so overpowering, just that the wait for him was so frustrating. She didn't want to give in but a part of her believed it to be worth it just to have a taste of the love she longed for for way too many years.

His lips enveloped her own in a mad dash for a resemblance of passion as she pulled him back inside. She nudged him to his bed as she removed her blouse, quickly shuffling towards the door to lock it silently. She couldn't help thinking about her attentive husband in the next room over but right now, all she wanted was to feel… _something_.

As Grissom kneeled to the ground in front of her, he hungrily kissed her smooth stomach and ineptly unbuttoned her jeans. She wouldn't let him stay in one place for too long and avoided his eyes like the plague they were. Her pants slipped off as she laid herself on his bed; nude, uncovered, exposed. She told him to hurry up and he quickly shed his slacks and carefully arranged himself on top of her, kissing her shoulder blades and when she said to hurry once more, her freckled chest and hard nipples taunted him.

He slipped into her with little needed help and began thrusting slowly at first, but when her hands started clawing at his back, he picked up the pace. Tiny noises escaped her as he kissed her neck. She quickly wiped away a few tears. Sara knew that it was wrong. So wrong. But her justification that she had been waiting years for Grissom to sweep her off her feet and take her to his bedroom where he would gently make love to her and they would live happily ever after was too unrealistic for her to even begin entertaining.

Grissom moved his head up from her nick to kiss her lips, but she told him kissing wasn't allowed, too intimate. He wanted to laugh in her face. Too intimate? I'm inside of you. He bit his tongue and continued moving at whatever speed she wanted and looked at her face. There were still tear streaks running down from the outside corner of her eyes to her ear lobes and collecting in a salty pool on his bed sheets. He wanted her to open her eyes but found himself being drawn to everything but her eyes. This was possibly the last time he would see her. She's leaving tonight, he kept reminding himself. She won't want to come back, she's leaving to get away. His eyes were attracted to the scars. There were old, _old_ scars underneath her breasts. He inhaled sharply and moved his head down and kissed the scars. He wanted to make them better, but couldn't help remembering they were _scars_ and couldn't be made better. He wanted to make _her_ better, he ultimately decided. He wanted to be hers and wanted her to be his.

After he finished, he pulled out of her slowly and laid on the bed beside her. He wanted to wrap his arms around her middle and fall asleep to her scent, but she had already gotten up and started retrieving her clothes from various places around the room. He pulled his slacks and t-shirt shirt on and walked over to her as she put her shirt back on. He grabbed her wrists and she tried to pull away, but couldn't. She was strong, but he was stronger. She tried hitting him in the chest but his firm grip stayed in place and she spoke the only words she could. "Let me go."

He obligingly did so. A sharp knock on the door broke their eye contact. "Yes?" Grissom asked.

"Sara, is everything okay in there? I looked over and you were gone," Greg asked her. She walked over to the door, unlocked it, and faced him. Her face was obviously a raw pink from crying and wiping the tears away a little too hard, so it wasn't a surprise when he asked if she'd been crying.

"Yea, Grissom and I were just… saying our goodbyes. Whether you like it or not, I've known him the longest and feel connected to him more than I do with anyone else… our goodbye was a little more emotional than anyone else's." Greg's eyes bounced between Sara's tender face and Grissom's stoic one. He apologized for interrupting and excused himself quietly, shutting the door between them. Sara looked in the mirror in his bathroom and sniffled. "God, I look like hell," she said laughing nervously.

He followed her in front of the mirror and stood behind her. "Love looks not with the eye but with the mind."

Sara turned around so her chest was pressing lightly against his. Her eyes searched his own for a glimpse of truth. "And therefore wing-ed Cupid is painted blind," she whispered faintly. "Midsummer Night's Dream."

They shared a moment of silence, their eyes locked on each other earnestly. "Love sought is good but given unsought is better."

"King Lear, and no it is not." She was angry now. That wasn't his intention. She was angry put couldn't help thinking that Greg would never quote Shakespeare with her. "Love sought is good but given unsought is a nuisance and is unwanted and hurts marriages."

He wanted to apologize and take it all back, tell her he didn't mean any of it. But he couldn't lie that much. "The course of true love never did run smoothly."

"Midsummer Night's Dream, stop it!" Her terse face couldn't hide the tears she was trying to hold back. "Stop it stop it stop it. Grissom, I'm married now. Married! For god's sake stop it. You cannot do this. You cannot finally express yourself the day I am leaving."

He blocked the doorway when she tried to leave the bathroom. "I can't let you leave until we talk about us."

Sara gave up trying to move him out of the way. "What the hell, Gil? I have flirted with you non-stop for the past way too many years. I'm leaving this side of the country tonight and you choose to finally do this now? My god I cannot believe that I just had sex with you and now we're fighting over a supposed 'us.' Griss, I can't do this. I love you, I do, but I love Greg also. He can provide for me. He isn't afraid to express himself. Do you remember when I met you? When we first spoke?"

"How could I forget."

"You were standing at that podium and I was in front row center, smiling like an idiot with a notepad ready for notes. That notepad ended up having date ideas. Ways to ask you out after the lecture. And then I went up to you and asked you to dinner."

"I was going to ask you out, you know."

"Exactly my point. You couldn't. We spoke for an hour before I even asked you out. You're horrible with responding to affection. I can throw myself at you and you'll respond with a horror-stricken face and bury yourself in work, even if what you want to do is kiss me."

They both knew the truth in that.

"I'm sorry, Sara." He felt ashamed. He had only himself to blame. "I understand why you need to leave, I'm so sorry." Grissom reached out to touch her but she batted his hand away.

"Look, just forget about it, okay? I need to get going soon. I didn't want to open up this can of worms with you tonight, but alas…"

He moved out of the way so she could exit the bathroom and then she left the room. He stared at his reflection in the mirror and wondered how he had reached such a low level of isolation. He didn't want to let her leave but if it made her happy, he'd step out of the way. He tucked his shirt into his pants and retrieved the belt that had been forgotten on the floor on the other side of the bed and washed his face quickly. New beginnings. When he went back to the living room, everyone was standing and hugging each other. She was leaving now. Right now. He looked over to see Nick handed Greg a plain white envelope, Greg nod, and them embrace in a tight hug. It was obvious Nick never wanted to let go. When he did, he kissed Sara on the cheek and said something along the lines of write to him. Her face lit up in a laugh and she quickly glanced over Nick's shoulder at Grissom, who was still observing the scene from the frame of his bedroom a dozen feet away. Nick went back to hugging Greg and Sara literally pushed the former off of her husband and nudged him out to the car with her purse and duffel bag. Sara hugged Catherine and Warrick tightly and saw Grissom walking towards her. He'd be her last goodbye.

He hugged her quickly. "Goodbye Sara. I'll miss you." He choked back tears. "Call when you land, okay?" She nodded slightly and smiled. Greg honked the rental car's horn and she turned and left. Catherine, Warrick, Nick, and Grissom stood emotional in the hallway. They all wanted to say something but none of them knew how.

Grissom watched the pair of headlights reverse and turn away from his building and he couldn't help thinking he'd just let the best thing to ever happen to him walk away.


End file.
